


The Price of Freedom

by Drakamos



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blood Magic, Competent Thor, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Memory Alteration, Memory Magic, Not Beta Read, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective!Thor, Runes, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, goodguy!loki, memory retrieval hurts, not really - Freeform, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-21 17:15:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8253899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakamos/pseuds/Drakamos
Summary: As Steve Rodgers said, the price of freedom is high and that he was willing to pay it. This time, it's not up to him. Loki and Bucky Barnes are far more similar than they realize, and they just might be able to help each other, or die trying. Is there anything left of James Barnes under the Winter Soldier?





	1. Priorities

**Author's Note:**

> This work is NOT beta read. All characters belong to Marvel, I just like messing with them. This was inspired by fan art I found online, and it's linked:
> 
>  
> 
> [here](http://atacana.deviantart.com/art/Loki-killing-Bucky-448575455)  
> [here](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/474707616950025663/)  
> [and here](http://mingku619.tumblr.com/post/93499042988/loki-and-bucky)  
> [](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/244601823485915882/)

The Avengers had been called down to South America, to somewhere in northern Venezuela and were busy with well over a thousand doombots when Tony got the call.

 _"Sir, Mr. Barnes' cryo unit is powering down,"_ Jarvis' voice was worried, _"I can detect nothing wrong with the surrounding area except a slight temperature drop, as is expected with a cryo unit."_

"Fine. We will be back as soon as possible. Let Helen Cho know, she is in the area and can make sure nothing happens with a bad defrosting. Do not notify Steve about this. I need him on his game."

A brief silence followed, and Tony asked "Jarvis? You there?"

No response for a moment, then a slight crackle over the comms, _"My connection to the house has been cut off. I am residing in the suit and in the Malibu mansion but I was routed from the Avengers tower, Sir."_

"Okay that is not good." Tony's urgent tone was accidentally transmitted across the team channel.

"What happened?" Several voices demanded.

"Jarvis' access to the tower has been cut off. Someone is sabotaging it right now." Tony yelled over comms as his crushed another doombot with a metal plated fist.

Steve's voice carried over the ensuing rabble. "Go home Tony! You can get there--oof" His voice was cut off by the crunch of metal, leading Tony to think he got tackled by a doombot.

"He's right Tony! You're faster than the Quinnjet. We will take care of this, get home and figure out what happened. We will follow, now GO!" Barton yelled, calmly taking down three doombots with one arrow.

"I'll send help!" and then Tony sped off across the city. He crushed the sound barrier almost instantly, flying almost Mach 1.5 by the edge of the city, then it was open ocean until New York.

Locking his muscles in flying formation, "Max it out, Jarvis." The suit kicked forward intensely, the boot jets kicking out an almost blueish flame as the suit's speedometer topped out at Mach 4.8, hurtling him across the ocean at record speed.

_"Estimated time of arrival, 39 minutes. I should note this is not good for the suit or yourself Sir."_

"I don't care, just get me there as fast as you can! Have you found Helen?"

_"Yes Sir. However, she is much farther away than we are and we will get there hours before she does."_

"Damnit! Okay tell her not to worry about it. I have seen her defrost him enough times, I know the procedure."

oOo

Twenty-two minutes later Tony jumped as his com crackled to life. "All done here. Where are you?" Natasha's voice came across.

"I am still fifteen minutes away, and 'speeding' would be an understatement." Tony gritted out. It was difficult to talk at this speed, he was spending the vast majority of his concentration to not disrupt his form, doing so could have very bad consequences. "All good on your end?"

"Yeah, we have some cleanup to do--" Nat began but Tony cut her off,

"Never mind that. We will come back and do it after wards, let the city know then high tail it to the jet and get home."

Tony's outburst caught Nat off guard and she asked him, "Tony what happened?"

"Before Jarvis lost contact with the tower he was reading a slight temperature drop in the area around the cryo unit. It was being powered down. Someone is sabotaging my home and is probably after Barnes. If he is not woken up properly his cells could develop ice crystals and shatter." Tony said grimly.

"You mean to say he could crack?"

"Like an ice sculpture hit with a baseball bat. Well not quite but you get the idea."

 _"WHAT?!"_ Steve voice roared over the comms, "Why didn't you say anything!! This is Bucky we're talking about! Damnit Tony."

"Cap! I already thought about that. There is a suit on the jet built to accommodate different people. Leave your shield, climb in and Jarvis will pilot it for you, okay? I've got a head start and you weigh a lot more but if you max it out you'll get there a few minutes after me. Now get your ass on a plane."

"Fine. Let's move people!" Steve barked, and everyone scrambled to comply

oOo

It was fourteen minutes later when Tony could see the skyscrapers of New York and Jarvis spoke in his ear, "Sir, might I suggest slowing down unless you wish to shatter every window in midtown?" __

"Yeah J, back it down, just under Mach 1, straight to the cryo chambers in the basement."

"Yes, Sir." __

Tony rocketed past the Chrysler building, rattling the windows as he passed. He got to the tower and hovered for a moment. "Open up and kill the jets."

The boot jets turned off and gravity took over. Panels on the ground slid open just as he fell past, seemingly swallowed up by the ground. It was a long metal shaft, part of the elevator to reach the lower levels. Tony used the ailerons and repulsors to steer, keeping himself falling right side up and taking care to not hit the walls.

After falling for just a few seconds, Tony was almost a mile underground. _"Firing jets, 3, 2, 1."_ Jarvis' voice spoke in his ear. The boots kicked in, slowing him down until he reached the right floor. Without Jarvis in the building, there was no one to control the power and with that, the elevator doors. When they wouldn't budge, Tony dug his fingers into the metal, crushing it and prying them apart, launching himself inside once the gap was wide enough.

Walking forward as quietly as he could manage in his suit with repulsors at the ready, Tony scanned for the intruder. This was the cryo floor and whatever had managed to get down here, after disabling Jarvis, and through that many layers of security without ever being detected must have been incredibly advanced. Tony rounded the corner to where the cryo unit was kept and all necessary medical equipment next to it.

There was nothing there, and the glass around the cryo unit had been shattered, as if someone had punched their way in. _Or out,_ Tony thought. Switching to thermal, nothing unusual registered on the HUD. There was lots of very dark blue from the cryo unit, telling Tony that Barnes had recently been taken, forcibly removed and probably smuggled out of the building.

 _They are in for a rude surprise when he wakes up._ Tony thought smugly, _If he wakes up._

Sobered at that thought, Tony started running, sweeping the whole floor before hearing a crash downstairs. He booked it back to the elevator shaft and jumped down another 12 floors, pushing the doors open again. As soon as he was inside, the lights went out.

His shoulder beams flicked on and he looked around, "Thermal scan, J." The room was bathed in varying shades of color, mostly light blues since no one had been down here in a while. Tony looked down at the floor and saw what looked like footprints, slightly darker blue swathes color amid lighter blues, painting a trail for him.

Following carefully, weapons at the ready, Tony rounded the corner and was completely blindsided by a wall of green light.


	2. Lost Within Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki hears Bucky, and decides to help.

Loki had wandered Midgard for quite a while, dressed in Midgardian clothes-God these itch- and he craved the few moments he could be secluded enough to shift to his Asgardian aspect. It was tiring though, he spent the entire first day casting runes and spells on a cloak he persuaded a shop owner to give him, all to remain hidden from Heimdall's sight. He had spent most of his time in Russia, so a warm cloak was not terribly out of place for the cold weather. He was traversing most of Russia on foot, staying out of cities when possible, too many cameras and too many witnesses, only going in for food because unfortunately that was one of the few things he couldn't conjure up. He spent each night triangulating the staff's location, and working his way steadily towards it. He had commandeered vehicles before but quickly gave up solo driving, and people were hesitant to give him rides, so, walking it is then.

The farther north he went, the faster the temperature dropped. Eventually it became too much for the warmth spells he had cast into the cloak's weave to compensate, so he shifted into his frost giant form, keeping the cloak around his shoulders as best he could. Immediately the discomfort from the cold disappeared and the cloak, now seeming much smaller, clung tightly to his large shoulders as his best protection from Heimdall's sight. Sure he could shield himself without the cloak but shielding himself from Heimdall, hiding his frost giant form, scanning for people, and triangulating the scepter's location was taxing to do all at once. the cloak was mainly for when he slept, because he could only maintain spells while conscious and he could only go so many days without sleep.

He had spent weeks looking, and finally when he got there it was an unassuming concrete bunker half covered in snow and almost buried under thick sheets of ice. Breaking off the frozen door lock, Loki shifted back to his Asgardian form and walked inside, and thirty angry Russians greeted him with a hailstorm of bullets.

Loki wasn't an idiot. As soon as he shrank down he threw up a force field of green energy, letting it wrap around his skin until you couldn't distinguish one from the other. He had stepped through expecting a similar reaction so he just waited until they ran out of bullets then quickly expanded his force field, slamming the barrier into the men present, knocking them out cold. Stepping over the men, he continued down the small hallways to an underground portion of the building. He quickly located the scepter after working his way, non-lethally, through several more rooms including the security room. Once in the room with it he laughed, they had actually put it on a pedestal in the middle of the room with a glowing circle around it just begging, "Take me! Take me!" Loki, never one to flinch away from thievery, quickly swiped the staff from its glowing pedestal and left the room. He worked his way back through the same path, expunging his existence from the memories of all the mortals he had knocked unconscious. Slipping outside, he dispelled his staff to the void where he could call upon it later if needed, but for now he just wanted to leave. The nearest town was almost fifty miles of frozen ground and barren trees.

 _Might as well start._ Loki thought as he shifted aspects and began trudging through calf deep snow.

oOo

Three days later, Loki found a small town and he consumed every bit of food his could find. His core temperature was dangerously low, even with his half-blooded nature. He persuaded the weak minded store manager to let him stay in his house for a day, and he spent almost twenty hours asleep. In his dreams it was cold and dark, but he felt incomplete, like he was missing a part of himself, quite literally, like his arm was gone, but it was more than that, more than a phantom sensation. He could barely feel and he couldn't think, and it seemed like his emotions had taken a little hiatus. Then he felt it: pain. It grew and grew until it clawed its way out of his mouth. The screams felt like razors being run up and down his throat, a burning white-hot pain that didn't stop. Electricity was thrumming through him, a sizzling, crackling and scorching energy. It was wiping away who he was, making him forget, there was just so much pain he couldn't think through it. There was nothing to do but scream. The dream fractured and dissipated, leaving Loki in a black, empty place.

When he woke up, he felt refreshed and called up his staff for a moment, just for the thrill of having it back, then dispelled it again lest the store manager see it. He left an hour later, walking into predawn light towards the Pacific Ocean, over a thousand miles away. Out in the snow, his dream came back to him in fragments, until after about an hour he had, rather unfortunately, reconstructed the whole thing, remembering it all in very vivid detail. A place flashed through his mind; it was cold, and there was frost everywhere, even on him, on his skin. He could barely see through it but he saw what looked like a number, '53', then it was gone, he put his hand up on the glass wall separating him from that number, and he could see frost coating his metal hand as it reached out towards- wait, what? He didn't have a metal hand? What was that dream? It had felt so real, like he was there, like he was freezing cold and couldn't move, wait- was it a memory? It wasn't his? He reached out, looking for the mind that he had connected with in his sleep. Focusing on the memory of the cold, it didn't take him long. Not many people have experienced cold like that, these Midgardians tended to hate being cold, and would not actively seek it out. He located it far underground in New York. Under Stark Tower. 

_You have got to be kidding me. Why that mind?_

He walked and as he did he explored the mind further. It didn't seem to reject his intrusion as most minds did, that is why he needed the staff to make his access easier. Whoever this mind belonged to, they were very damaged. He could almost feel the scars in his head from having his memories burned out over and over again, each time seemingly more painful than the last.

 _Losing touch with yourself, huh. Been there, done that._ Loki thought.

He had pulled himself out of a very dark place when his duel bloodline was revealed. He had spent so much time hating himself, what he was and how he could never change it. He had hated Odin, someone he'd believed to be his father, someone who cared about him, loved him even, just to find out he knew the whole time, knew the he was a monster, unworthy of love. Loki had broken inside that day, and he had been broken for a very long time. It was always at the front of his mind, and every time he thought about it he got madder and madder and more consumed by suffering. It was more pain than he had ever gone through before and eventually it just swamped him. He lived every day in a numbed state of mind because it was the only way to keep going, to keep functioning. The only way to keep his rage from boiling over into a self-destructive pattern.

The most vulnerable piece of him had been ripped apart, and Loki had to put it back together on his own. His heart never came back right though. Instead it was a snarled mess of stitches and scars, bleeding pain and hatred with every beat. The hate had filled him like a fire blazing so hot that it fused all the cracked pieces of himself together into a misshapen thing so beyond reason that he didn't recognize himself. He was so far from the righteous Asgardian prince he had once been that he was disgusted by himself, yet he couldn't find it in himself to care. He had buried his conscience and morality long ago, and his remorse along with it. Both were so far gone he didn't know if he would ever find them again.

When he had let go of the staff off the edge of the rainbow bridge, he was no longer Asgardian, he was no longer a Jotun, he just _was._ That was it, there was no more to him, just a hollow shell. Now he was thankful for it, because in the void where he was tortured endlessly by the Other, ripped apart and stitched back together over and over, he had simply ceased to exist. This mortal's mind knew what that felt like, to be given no choice but to stop existing, it knew the pain of being physically torn apart and beaten until you were so broken you might as well have been dust. To be turned from dust into something else, rearranged according to the whim of another. To do it over, and over, and over until you couldn't remember what the original you had looked like, didn't know how they had sounded, didn't know a single thing about them, they were a completely different person the you were.

Loki had long since stopped walking, too caught up in the swell of memories, and mildly frightened at how similar he was to this mortal. He was quite surprised this Midgardian was even still alive, after all he had barely survived the process when it was done to him and these humans were so much softer then he was. He was half monster, but then again, so was this man.

With that, Loki made up his mind; he might not have had a heart for a very long time now but nobody ever deserved to go through what he had been through. This man had been forced into it like he was, tortured beyond all reason, completely at mercy of another being, begging for the relief of death with every cell in your body. He searched the mind, looking for clues to who he had been. He got very faint memories, shattered into pieces from before when this mortal was not a machine, not a weapon but a person. 

He, Loki Laufeyson, would help this man become who he was. He would help him the way no one was ever there to help him. With his goal in mind, Loki locked onto that mind and set his course. He remembers the computer that had inhabited the building before and how that reception had gone, and he was not too keen for a repeat performance. Shifting into his Jotun form, shielding himself with every cloaking spell he knew, Loki teleported himself into the Avengers' Tower.


	3. Mirrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They may be from different planets but on the inside, they are almost clones.

Thankfully the cloaking spells were working and Loki quickly found where the man was, tracing his mind like the signal on a homing beacon. The number 53 was printed boldly on the wall to his right, _So it was a memory_ Loki thought.

When he turned the corner away from the number, to continue looking for the man, he stopped and stared. He was a bit surprised to find the man frozen solid in a metal tube. Quickly getting over his shock, Loki morphed his magic into a cocoon, letting it sink into the glass and wrap around the person inside, James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes he learned. Once the man inside was safely wrapped in swirling green magic, Loki rammed his fist through the tube as hard as he could. The glass shattered into long pieces which fell out and crashed on the ground around him. He quickly released the simple clamps holding the man upright and lifted him out.

He quickly set about dismantling the computers access to the building, his magic overpowering the safety procedures and protocols in place. He pushed until there was no trace of the AI in the building then Loki thoroughly fried the circuitry that would have allowed reentry. Once satisfied he would not be disturbed for a while, he turned back to his human popsicle, wondering how to best wake him up. He carried the man with his magic, looking for a suitable place for the ritual, presuming he agreed, that would be hard to get into.

He descended a few more floors quickly, and found what he was looking for. It was the equivalent of his "apartment" on the helicarrier, a hulk-proof room buried deep beneath the earth. Stepping inside, he propped the man up against the wall, and went to tamper with the locks.

Once he had the locks set so that once the door locked, it could only be unlocked from the inside, did he go search for one very specific mind.

 _"My connection to the house has been cut off.... Estimated time of arrival, 39 minutes"_ Loki got this information first hand as he listened through Tony's ears, the mortal far too busy fighting to spare energy to fight off his intrusion.

 _I had better be quick about it._ He stepped back in the cage with Barnes and began the process of bringing him out of a deep-freeze.

Six minutes later, James Barnes sat before him, looking mildly confused, rather annoyed at being restrained by green mist and silently questioning who was in front of him.

"Who the hell are you?" Bucky demanded.

 _Okay maybe not so silently._ Loki thought with a chuckle.

"My name is Loki. I am from Asgard. Thor is my older half-brother, sort of."

"How is he 'sort of' your brother?"

"I was adopted into the family. Really long story. Not gonna talk about it."

"Why am I awake, where is everyone else, Helen, Tony, Steve?"

"They are uh, not here yet, though they will be here soon which I why I have a question for you to answer quickly."

"In a rush or something?"

"A bit. They are not very fond of me. I kind of attacked them in an insane mind controlled rage and tried to destroy the city with an alien army from outer space a few years ago."

Bucky didn't say anything, he just stared at him.

"I know it's ridiculous, ask them sometimes and they can tell you all about it. That is not why I am here. I am here because you and I have quite a few things in common."

"Hah, like what?" Buck asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"We are both monsters, we do not remember pieces of our past, and for a long time we believed ourselves unworthy of love." Loki stated in a flat voice.

Bucky didn't say anything for a moment. _I know you know what I said is true, I can feel it._

Bucky jumped suddenly, looking around for the voice. He looked at this 'Loki' character for a long moment before dismissing his thoughts.

_What was that James?_

Bucky looked around again, and his eyes settled on Loki's smug smile. "Yes that is me. I am telepathic, to a point."

"What."

"I can read minds and project my thoughts into them." Loki stated without flare. He dipped into Bucky's head again, dredging up memories of being shocked and tortured, slowly turning him into an emotionless weapon. He thought about his own experiences, and showed them to Barnes, just in quick glimpses. Even someone as accustomed to violence as he did not deserve to dwell on that. Bucky's eyes widened at the onslaught of images, shown side by side, and the comparison was indeed startling. 

 

 

 

 _He's a ghost story._  
He's a legend.

 _Soldat?_  
Brother?

 _Liar._  
Trickster.

 _Emotionless killer._  
Insane murderer.

 _Lethal weapon._  
Vengeful god.

 _Object, puppet, tool._  
Experiment, plaything, artifact.

 _I am a monster._  
Unworthy of love.

 _Broken, lost._  
Shattered, forgotten.

 _Beaten, subdued._  
Torn apart, defeated.

 _Pain, scars, blood._  
Wounds, dying, suffering.

 _Agony._  
Torture.

 _Please, kill me._  
Please, kill me.

 

 

 

"See what I mean?" Loki paused, reading the shock on Bucky's face, waved a hand and the magical restraints binding Bucky to the floor disappeared, giving the man space to move if he needed.

"I never thought anyone would know how it felt. It's a burden, it feels like--"

"A cursed secret?" Loki said, and Bucky nodded quickly, before Loki continued, "Something you can never tell anyone else because they just don't understand?"

"Exactly" Bucky said, "I really thought I was alone. I have felt so alone for almost 75 years now, but I was lucky enough to not be allowed to care for 70 of those years." Bucky paused looking at the god, seeing the pain etched into his face, the same way he looked at himself in the mirror. "How old are you?" he blurted out.

"Over a thousand of your years, I don't know exactly. I don't really keep track."

Bucky lapsed into a brief silence. "Why are you here?" he asked.

"Because I am sick of carrying that pain around, and I figured you might be as well. I want to give you back your memories from before you were the Winter Soldier. It is not something I can have, and I am not sure I would want it if I could but I wanted to ask if you want me to fix you."

Bucky answered in less than a second, "Yes."

"Well that was easy." Loki responded.

Bucky's eye narrowed, "You say that like we made a deal. You said it yourself, you are a trickster. What do you get out of this? Give me a reason to trust you."

"Ha! I don't think there is a single reason in all of Yggdrasil that you should trust me, I seem to break everyone's trust, so I stopped asking for it six hundred years ago."

Bucky just nodded thoughtfully. "You said we are on a bit of a timetable?"

"Yeah, a bit. If the Avengers get back, they will dig me out of here and either kill me themselves or send me back to Asgard. Personally I'd rather commit suicide than either of those. Better yet I'd have you kill me and they'd love you for it." Loki replied honestly. "Like I said I am sick of carrying around this pain all the time, but I am never going to be rid of it so I decided to help instead. I think it is because you remind me of myself, and in a way helping you is like helping myself find peace I guess?" Loki ended his thought like a question, hanging in the air.

"I get it. Anything for absolution right?"

"Like you said earlier, it's good to have someone else know what this feels like, the pain, sure, but also the need for forgiveness."

"Why the timetable though, aside from the fact they will drag you out of here kicking and screaming?"

"Once in the middle of a spell it is dangerous and potentially deadly for any sorcerer to be disturbed, but the danger increases exponentially if the thing be casted upon is alive, more so if it is human and infinitely more so if it is dealing with the complexities of the human mind. I will call to my brother before we start and make sure he gets here in time to hold the others back. You are sort of my bargaining chip. They would never hurt you, and therefore by extension, me. Sorry, I know it's selfish."

"Not selfish so much as self-preservation. That I can understand. Every mission I ever went on, my safety came before a dead target."

Loki smiled grimly. "I think we were related in another life."

Barnes cracked a smile too, "Yeah probably, judging by how screwed up we both are. On a more serious note, what do I have to do? What will actually happen to me?"

"Well, the spell is not so much a spell as it is a blood ritual and incantation."

"Sounds fun. Very cheery." Bucky said sarcastically, hiding a smile.

Loki returned the smile and waved a hand and pulled a long, jagged dagger from thin air.

Bucky only looked mild impressed, "Nice magic trick."

Loki turned the knife over in his hand, its blade had a wicked curve almost eight inches long, and half that again for the handle. It was jet black, hewn from an obsidian wall somewhere in the universe with six cruel barbs running along the sharp side of the blade. Another sharp point stuck out from the base of the handle. This was a knife meant to cause pain and damage, to lodge in the body and tear as much as possible when removed. The most interesting part though, were the etchings all over the blade, swirls and spirals and a few runes written over and over, inscribed into every inch of the knife.

"This is what we use. It functions as the catalyst to stir up the memories we want to access as well as loosen the grip of the memories we want gone."

"You can erase my memory?"

"Yes. If that is what you want. Do you want the winter soldier gone?"

"Not all the way. Take away the pain but leave the skills and the faces. I cannot ever forget those faces. To do so would be wrong, for their families' sakes I need to remember them. I want to those skills so I don't have to relearn everything, it will probably be useful sometime. Can you do all that?"

"Yes, but the deeper I have to go and the more complex the memory the longer this will take and the more painful it will be. I have to pick apart specific memories instead of just wiping you clean from year A to year B, do you understand?"

"Yeah, I do. So when you say more painful, how bad are we talking?" Bucky asked, getting nervous for the first time.

"Think of the worst pain you've ever felt."

Bucky's mind flashed to the most recent electroshock therapy, after meeting Steve on the bridge. Loki watched as he thought about it, flinching slightly at the screams.

"Parts of this will be far easier than that experience but some pieces will hurt worse. How much can you take without moving?" Loki asked grimly.

"Anything you do to me; I've been through worse."

"We'll see. First though, there are a few things we need to do. Lose your shirt."

"Shouldn't you take me to dinner first?" Bucky teased as his took off his shirt. Loki smiled briefly, then his expression flattened.

"Kneel here but sit up and face the door." Bucky did and Loki walked around in front of him and knelt to one knee. Loki looked him right in the eye, "Are you sure? I wasn't exaggerating when I said this would hurt more than electrocution. This will become the single most painful thing you have ever felt, and you have to stay perfectly still. I am going to disable your metal arm, unless you are absolutely sure you can control it under extreme duress?"

"Dismantle it if you want."

"I am not going to go that far but I will paralyze the motor neurons for an hour or so. Okay?"

Bucky just nodded and Loki struck quick like a snake, a hard jab to the inside of his shoulder and another under the ribs. "Can you move it?"

When he tried nothing happened. "I'm glad no one else knows that trick." Bucky said, slightly alarmed at his arm being entirely disabled with two quick hits.

"Don't worry, there was a little magic involved too. Only a few people know that specific trick, and none of them are on this planet." Loki grinned. "Now the slightly less fun part. A symbol. It will be placed over your heart as a grounding mark and the same one on the floor." Loki said, and his eye fell on the red star on the limp metal arm. "A star would work."

"Fine. You’re the sorcerer. Do your thing." Bucky said quickly.

Loki placed the tip of the dagger's hilt against Bucky's chest and pushed. A thin red line was drawn down at an angle, then a flat line to the right, and down again at a sharp angle. Loki continued this pattern until there was a five pointed star, point facing up, painted in blood and open flesh on Bucky's chest. Through the whole thing, Bucky didn't even flinch.

Loki used the hilt of the dagger again and dug it into the steel floor, drawing a perfect pentagram on the ground. The hilt cut through the steel like butter and when he was done he had a star with Bucky kneeling up in the center. He then carved a circle around the shape in the floor. "We're ready."

Loki took three steps forward from Bucky, who still hadn't moved, and spoke aloud, "I, Loki Laufeyson, remove all cloaking enchantments and wards." He glowed briefly then went back to looking just like he did before. There was a squeal of metal from the hallway, like someone prying open a door. Loki spoke quickly, "Thor at some point in the very near future you are going to need to make a very timely entrance because once I enter into the incantation, well, you know what happens if my concentration is broken. The Midgardians won't, and I fear for Sergeant Barnes safety and my own. Heimdall make sure he hears this." Once he had finished talking to his hopefully saviors-to-be, he quickly cast a few runes on the floor to "discourage intruders" when Bucky asked what they were, "Don't worry, they are all non-lethal, they are designed be tranquilizers of sorts, giving us more time to cement the ritual and for my brother to show up."

The precise moment he had stopped speaking, Iron Man rounded the corner.


	4. Memories Steeped in Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony comes a knocking. Loki knocks him out. Let the ritual begin.

A wall of green light seemed to leap up from the floor like a tidal wave and slam into the Iron Man armor, which bounced off the light wave like a tennis ball off a wall.

Tony was thrown almost ten feet and stopped when the armor slammed against the far wall, crumpling it like paper. The armor slid down to a sitting position and made no attempt to move.

"What the hell?" Bucky said

"I told you already: non-lethal. The rune just knocked him out, he will wake up in a few minutes. I suspect the team is not far behind so we really need to get going.

Loki walked back around Barnes, dagger in hand. "The blade needs to be keyed to you, and to do that it needs blood."

"Fine. Take it."

Loki, not needing another invitation rested the tip of the blade against the carotid artery in Barnes' neck and pressed in. A single drop of blood welled up around the point, but instead of rolling down Bucky's neck, it soaked into the blade, glowing red along the jagged edges. Loki pressed a little harder, and the blood flowed more freely. The blade continuously soaked up the blood, filling it like a thermometer in hot water. Once the red glow of blood reached the hilt, Loki withdrew the sharp point, and the wound closed almost immediately.

"Now comes the painful part. One of them anyway. If you thrash, if you move at all, I will more than likely end up severing an artery and you will bleed out in seconds. Do you understand?"

"Damnit, stop asking. I meant it when I said just do it. I trust you enough that you won't screw me over in some twisted way, but I would very much like this over with, ideally before one of us is dismembered."

"You have a deal." Loki answered in a solemn tone.

Raising the dagger high, the fluorescent lights glinting off the wicked curve, Loki brought the knife down in the pocket of his right collarbone. The blade parted the skin effortlessly and Loki drove it in to its hilt. The serrated edge dug in, the barbs lodging themselves deep under the skin. Bucky arched forward, the pain overwhelming his control for a moment before he slumped back, no longer able to support his own weight under the onslaught of burning pain. The blade was steeped in crimson red blood, surging up around the handle and flowing freely down Bucky's naked chest in small red rivers.

"I said don't move!" Loki shoved his knee against Bucky's back, holding him upright, and trying not to move the blade.

oOo

Steve was _flying._ It was beyond bizarre but he tried his best to stay calm and not move too much, Jarvis had warned him too much movement and he would rip the suit apart. He followed Tony’s smoke trail most of the way, but eventually Tony pulled too far ahead for it to be visible, and he was left to trust Jarvis' navigational skills.

A long 50 minutes after taking off from the jet, Steve saw the Avengers' Tower. He went to land on the pad but Jarvis had other ideas.

"Please relax sir." Then suddenly the suit was falling.

_Why had Jarvis cut the rockets?!_

Steve was now plummeting to his death almost a thousand feet below, and the computer wasn't listening to him.

At the last second, two panels slid open and Steve hurtled past them, free-falling into the Earth.

 _"Firing jets in 3, 2, 1."_ Jarvis' calm voice alerted Steve to brace his legs as the rockets kicked in. He missed the door by a few feet, either because the suit not was accustomed to such a heavy passenger or Jarvis was screwing with him. Hovering by the opening, he could clearly see where Tony had pried the doors open and forced his way through.

Following the same path as Tony had, he came to a corner where he saw the other armor sitting, power down by the wall, which was sporting an Iron-Man shaped dent in it. Someone had thrown the armor across the room so hard it dented the wall and knocked out the power. Steve went on red alert and looked around for a clue as to what happened but he didn't see anything. There was the hulk's "room" but it was empty and everything else was spotless besides.

"Jarvis what--" Steve's voice was cut off by a loud pained cry from Bucky farther back in the room, behind the hulk-out room. Steve rushed forward but only got two steps before he was lifted bodily in the air by what looked like green tentacles coming out of the ground. They twirled him around twice, shaking him thoroughly until they slammed him into the ground and the tentacles dove through the face plate and at his head. Within a second Steve lost consciousness and the tentacle withdrew, leaving Loki to continue with Bucky and stare at two downed iron man suits and their occupants unconscious.

oOo

When Loki had begun the incantation, he spoke softly in a tongue Bucky did not recognize, and he spoke at least seven languages. It didn't sound like any tongue of Earth, and since Loki wasn't from around here he suspected it was an alien language.

The spell slowly grew in volume, a green light began to swirl around Loki's hands, one firmly planted on the dagger hilt, which was still burning but with far less intensity, and the other hovering near his left temple. The light grew brighter and brighter, flicking around his fingers, and was now jumping from hand to hand like a stream of water. Suddenly Loki twisted the knife and pushed it even deeper into Bucky's chest, and he cried out in pain.

oOo

Bucky watched as another armor came in and lurched towards the sound of him crying out in pain, only to get attacked green tentacles and forced to the ground, presumably knocked out like the other one.

Bucky tried so hard not to yell but that knife was positively cruel. He was sure Loki could feel his heart beat hammering through the blade. It was beating so fast it felt like it was vibrating in his chest. Gritting his teeth, he tried to relax, flexing when he had first arched back only brought on new waves of pain with his severed pec muscles.

The incantation grew in volume and speed, almost too fast to understand, alien words being thrown around.

 _I hope you know what you're doing, Loki._ Was Bucky’s last rational thought before his mind was thrown back into the past to relieve his days as the Winter Soldier.

oOo

The Quinnjet was finally approaching New York when Nat, Barton and Sam all tensed up. Both Tony and Cap had been radio silent since they left, though they would have gotten here far before them, no one could shake the feeling that something was very wrong.

As they approached, they saw an incredible beam of white light land on the helipad and disappear, leaving their friendly neighborhood Asgardian there with a frown on his face. The Quinnjet landed and all three people jumped out and ran towards Thor.

"Any word?" Nat asked.

"From who?" asked Thor, the curiosity evident in his voice.

"Tony or Steve of course!" Sam said, exasperated.

"Ah. That's what he meant." Thor nodded in understanding.

"Who?" Asked Barton, hating not being the most well informed person.

"You'll find out very soon I suspect. They are far underground. The access panel is a straight drop towards the pavement. Sam carry Nat. Barton you are with me." Thor's voice left no room for complaint, so Sam scooped up Nat in his arms and Thor wrangled Barton somehow, then stepped casually off the ledge. Sam, thinking Thor was insane, did the same, using the wings to control their fall.

Wind whistled in their ears as they rocketed towards the very solid-looking pavement.

Two doors opened in the pavement and they, like their two teammates before them, plummeted into the depths of the Earth.

Slowing themselves with the hammer and wings respectively, Thor and Sam pushed their carry-ons through the Steve-sized hole in the elevator doors. Thor followed next and turned to pull Sam through because the wings didn't fit while out.

They worked their way forward until they saw both armors out of commission. Nat rushed to check on Tony, and Barton checked on Cap, both with the same conclusion. "Unconscious but okay."

Sam was hovering near them, wanting to be of help but Thor paid no mind to any of them. He was facing the empty hulk-room with a puzzled look on his face, and Nat was the first to notice. She stood and looked at him, "What Thor? What's wrong?"

"Drop your cloaking. They need to see." He said to the air.

There was no response, it seemed like Thor was talking to an empty room, but he was very adamant about it, "I cannot break the enchantment without hurting you, and without hurting Bucky. Now, drop the act." Thor's tone was deadly serious.

"What is it Thor? What are you talking about?" Barton asked, "Where is Bucky?"

The air before them shimmered and it was like a curtain had fallen. There, behind six-inch blast proof glass was Loki with a knife buried in Bucky Barnes' shoulder. Loki was speaking in an alien language, his eyes shut and the concentration clear on his face. Bucky's eyes on the other hand, had gone completely white. He didn't even register their presence. Neither one moved an inch.

When the veil fell, whatever enchantment has been restraining the armors dropped too. Tony lurched to his feet, still wearing his, with the helmet retracted. Tony surveyed the scene and immediately had a repulsor ready and about seven other weapons all trained on the Norse god. Steve couldn't get his suit to cooperate and ended up ripping his way out of it. Nat didn't miss Tony's flinch at Cap tearing apart one of his suits; it was clear that he cared about each one quite a lot.

Once Steve had climbed out of the suit, and took in the scene, he didn't hesitate. He threw himself at the glass, hitting it for all he was worth. The cage barely moved. Inside, Loki's concentration faltered at the slight jar from outside, his chanting faltered for a moment before going back to concentrated and rhythmic.

Tony scanned the room and was alerted to the state of the mangled control unit on the door. "Damnit."

Steve's head whipped towards him, "What?" he demanded.

"Loki fried the controls and he reversed them. There is no way into that cage now except by brute force. That door may as well be welded shut. The glass is bullet and blast proof and my lasers won't cut through it." He said, lowering his weapons.

"Fine." Steve threw himself at the cage again, not getting more than a slight rattle and another annoyed flicker from Loki.

"Captain, please stop." Thor asked.

"Why are you all just standing there? We need to get him before Loki kills him! Come on!" Steve pleaded with his team.

Another tortured scream ripped it way out of Bucky's chest, accentuating Steve's point. Bright red blood was still slowly flowing from the wound, seemingly endless because Bucky chest was almost entirely red and he should have already bled out. Steve made for the wall again but Thor deflected the blow and wrapped an arm around Steve, pinning the squirming soldier to his chest. " **Captain.** Stop."

"NO! I need to get to him. LOKI LET HIM GO RIGHT NOW!" Steve screamed. Loki didn't even flinch. Steve struggled as hard as he could, miraculously twisting his way out of Thor's grip, intent on getting to Bucky. Rearing his fist back he slammed it into the glass as hard as he could. Before he made contact, Thor grabbed his elbow so tightly he could almost feel the bone crack.

"Try that again and I will snap your arm in half." Thor's tone was icy cold, he clearly meant it. Sparks played across the armor, the static smell tinging the air. Annoyance had turned to anger in Thor's eyes, and it was obvious to all but one just how ticked off Thor really was. He looked ready to electrocute Steve, he was done playing games.

"Enough." Thor not-so-gently threw the Captain to the ground and when Steve tried to rise, he really didn't know when to back down, Thor set Mjølnir on his chest. "Stay down. I do not believe that my brother is trying to hurt him."

Steve struggled to fruitlessly; no one but Thor could lift the hammer, not even him. Gnashing his teeth, he felt like a wild animal, caged with no way out and it just made him more desperate.

"How do you know Thor?" asked Natasha, ignoring Steve's struggling on the floor. She looked near ready to tear Loki to pieces, only staying calm because she knew Tony was right, her guns would have no effect on that glass.

"The shape on the ground. A pentagram inside a circle. It is used to trap and then banish demons from a realm. It can be used in a memory spell, but I do not know of any spell that requires so much blood." Thor shivered slightly, concern dotting his voice.

"Screw this. I'll get him out." Barton said, having nocked an explosive arrow at the junction between glass and steel. He fired it before either Nat or Thor could stop it. The arrow hit dead on its mark, the explosion rocking the cage intensely.

"STOP!" Thor yelled, static crackling loudly around all them, into arcs were dancing around him, jumping from him to the all the metal in the room. "If you disturb him too much the spell will be disrupted. Mr. Barnes will surely die and there is a good chance that Loki will too. Do not touch them."

oOo

Loki stumbled back a step as an explosion rocked the cage. His eyes were still clenched shut but when he lost his footing, the blade in Bucky's shoulder was jarred hard. The scream that ripped its way from Bucky was one of pure agony. Loki could indeed feel his pulse in the handle, and it was thrumming like a bird. Barnes had to calm down or his heart could give out.

Loki focused more deeply on keeping the memories stable and keeping Barnes in them, that was the best way to prevent a panic. Every time Barnes surfaced it was like a yearlong setback in the spell. With each surfacing, there was an increasingly powerful magical surge, as his magic and Barnes' memories became more heavily entwined. Loki could only control so many of the outbursts before it became too powerful for him to handle. He could feel his control slipping already, the green light was starting to flicker and jump more erratically, wrapping its way around Barnes' head. Bucky was starting to twitch, flexing and moving with the memory as Loki tried to keep him subdued.

He relieved each powerful memory as the Winter Soldier, one at a time, and Loki followed him down the rabbit hole. As each memory progressed, Loki would follow the Soldier's movements, wiping away the pain, but leaving the faces of the victims as Bucky had asked of him. Such delicate work was a massive strain on them both. Picking apart very specific things, one memory at a time, was not only difficult but time consuming and very dangerous. Too much modification and the end result could be a very different person than what was wanted. Messing with memories is not to dissimilar to altering a timeline, and although Loki could not change time, he knew how dangerous doing so was. The longer it took, and the more that was changed, the greater the chance of an irreversible catastrophe.

Loki's face suddenly contorted in pain, they were living through Bucky having an arm sawn off and a prosthetic attached. The intense feeling multiplied as it fed back through the mental link, throwing Loki off balance. His casting faltered and stopped, when tried to pick it back up again, it didn't take. Bucky had yelled out, his chest constricting and his shoulder flexed, trying to move his paralyzed arm. Loki could feel him starting to surface, the panic breaking him free of the memories. If he woke up, it was likely the connection for shatter and kill them both. Loki stopped his litany for a brief second and spat out two words toward his audience before picking up the chant again, faster than before.

oOo

"Royal blood? What is that supposed to mean?" Sam asked aloud, the same question on almost everyone's tongue.

"Natasha give me a knife." Thor said as he quickly began unstrapping a vambrace from his left arm. She handed one over, rearming herself as Thor used the tip to pry off one of the chain plate links, letting the others cascade off his arm. Grabbing the knife more firmly, he quickly slashed himself twice across the forearm, two thin perpendicular marks that immediately began bleeding. He didn't make a sound, just a strained face and tossed the knife back to Nat who caught it expertly, despite already having two knives in her hands.

"What the hell?" Sam asked, reeling back.

Thor stood there for a moment, letting the blood drip down and pool in his hand. After few more precious seconds, Loki's pained cry decorated the air. When they looked at him, the light dancing around his hands was turning into colorful smoke swirling angrily around their feet. Seeing this, Thor cupped his hands together and spread the blood from his arm on both hands. He took one big step towards the glass and pressed both hands up to it and then moved back, leaving two bloody handprints for all to see.

The moment he touched the glass, Loki screamed, his eyes shooting open. There was no white or brown in his eyes, they were consumed by a bright emerald green.

 _"Deçhimènta Arâcethœs"_ Loki gritted out, like the words were being forced from his chest. He ground the knife even farther into Bucky's shoulder, earning another involuntary scream, then Barnes slumped forward, unconscious and held up purely by the blade locked in his shoulder.

Outside their cage, Steve called out, "He is not okay. He is KILLING him! Look at his eyes. He is in pain! God damnit Thor let me up!"

Loki, paying no mind to the super soldier pinned to the ground, quickly reached down with his free hand and drew a small silvery dagger from one of his various pockets. He brought it up to his throat and cut a thin stripe down the side of his neck. The instant the blade bit into his skin, the bloody handprints on the glass began disappearing, the blood melted through the glass and floated towards Loki, born aloft by an invisible force. The thin stream touched the red cut on the side of the god's neck and was drawn into his body as the cut zipped itself shut. When the blood had made contact, Loki let go of both daggers and stepped back, hunched over so far, he was almost folded in half. Barnes swayed dangerously, looking dead to the world, head lolling down, but he didn't tip forward. Five seconds passed and then Loki began to straighten out of his ball, and as he did, the light around his hands and coming from his eyes got impossibly bright. Once his was upright, his dropped to a knee and slammed his hands palm down on the ground right on two points of the star.

The light winked out when his palms made contact with the scarred floor. Thick green smoke billowed up from between his fingers, danced along and filled the circle completely. When Loki stood again the smoke was up to his knees and up to the star carved on Bucky's chest. Loki's aspect began to shift and he was now starting to glow blue. His skin turned a light blue, his eyes took on a reddish hue and raised lines appeared along his face and hands, and his horns began growing. "NO!" Loki bellowed and in a great burst of blue light the frost giant features were gone, replaced by his normal look.

He grabbed the black dagger again and pressed slightly, getting a painful moan from Barnes, who twitched involuntarily.

oOo

"Thor. I will not attack him. Just let me up please, it is getting hard to breathe."

"Don't make me regret it." Thor warned and called Mjølnir back to his hand.

"Why does he look like he is in pain?" Sam asked.

"Because he is. Tampering with one's memory is said to be painful, but rebuilding one's memory altogether as I believe Loki and Bucky are doing? It is said to be near unbearable. Many have died because they passed out from the pain and the spell fractures if one party is prematurely brought out of the trance. The spell works by linking the caster and the person being changed; the longer it goes on the stronger the link becomes. They are both living through Barnes' memories, I suspect from when he was the Winter Soldier, it feels real, as if they are there right now. Everything they feel is multiplied, so if that connection breaks, the pain increases until the body gives out and they both die. Essentially they are killed by stress. For that reason, it is not very widely practiced, not to mention the extreme level of difficulty and precision needed. The mind is fragile thing and tampering is dangerous. The same effect is observed if the Bifrost is left open. It power is too great for any planet to absorb so the planet will crack and die. For that reason, it's protection resides only with the royal family and the gatekeeper, Heimdall." Thor explained. For normally being perceived as a hammer-happy oaf, Thor did listen and learn quite a lot, it just so happened that most of what he learned never mattered.

"Why did Loki do it to him then? Is this revenge?" Steve asked Thor.

"No. Your friend must have been willing. It is insane to force someone into a spell like this because of how dangerous it is if the connection is broken. With an unwillingly party that is almost a guarantee. With someone as powerful as your friend there? He could over power my brother easily in this kind of connection, so they must both fighting to keep the process going. If there was any resistance, it would be far more obvious and uh, explosive in nature. These memories must have meant a great deal more to your friend than he ever let on, if he wanted his mind tampered with. It must have been torturing him for a long while for him to be desperate enough to agree to something this dangerous, as I am sure Loki told him. My brother never would have done this without 100% compliance-he likes himself too much to risk it for something that might not work." Thor answered solemnly.

Casting their gazes back to the pair, they watched as the smoke spinning around then wove itself into strand that raced along the outer edge of the cage.

The chant got louder, and Steve could finally understand what Loki was saying, or rather he could finally hear it through the glass. He had never heard the language before and suspected it wasn't of Earth.

_Dwiirok tun zu kriid sil ahrk al zu bein vokun._

_Golt geinmaar ven skodaal klov._

_Gron sos ahrk hahdrim, neh kren._

_Gron kopraan zeim sos ahrk zeim sos zu gron mafaeraak dein._

_Krif zu ahzid, kron zu kopraan ahrk meyz stin._

_Liiv zu krii, lahney laat._

_Rel skodaal ronit._

_Qahnaarin zu nok._

_Sinak se saqron sos staadnau._

_Tuz vaaz vokul vahrukt yah zu pruzah zii lingrah vod ahrk haas._

Loki's body began to glow again, gold this time, and his armor stared disappearing.

"No....." Thor trailed off.

When he got several curious looks he explained, "Our armor is a part of us, it takes less than a subconscious thought to keep it on us at all times. It is a form of subconscious self-preservation. It is supremely rare for an Aesir to not have on their armor. It can morph as an Aesir changes but the basic are always to same. They are power-enhancing, my armor allow me to throw lighting more powerful and much farther than I could on my own, Loki's armors enhances his magic. The armor itself is very strong and can be easily repaired. If Natasha was to shoot me in the chest with her gun, it probably wouldn't have any affect. When damaged, one simply taps into the void and draws on their strengths to repair the damage. For those reasons we are very hard to kill, not to mention any extra abilities we are born with or learn over time. You will understand the importance of when an Aesir "loses" their armor set it means they are so far in their own head; they have superseded his or her instinct for self-preservation. Loki's ability to manipulate his magic is entirely conscious, but its power is not. That part is unconscious, as is the nature of a sorcerer. Their magic comes from within, from the core of their being and with every magical encounter they become more powerful as more is awakened. The link these two have established is feeding Loki's own power back into himself, and it gets stronger every time the link is completed, for every single memory they are going through. I think he is being overwhelmed by his own power, simply because he has never had this much access to it. I can only pray he can control it."

Loki's body continued to get brighter, his skin glowing gold. He stepped back from Bucky, releasing the knife but still chanting. As his voice got louder, he changed what he was saying and cast a square rune on the floor. He stepped onto it immediately and the rune glowed purple in his presence. The light that'd been seeping out of him filled the shape, partially obscuring Loki from view. The light stopped at the edge of the square, like Loki was trapped inside a glass box and the light was in there with him.

Thor's eyes widened in alarm when he recognized the rune. It was a shield rune, one of binding and protection, almost nothing could get through it if the sorcerer was powerful enough. With Loki in this state, he doubted even he could break the barrier, Mjølnir or not.

All amused pretense disappeared, Thor knew he could not overpower Loki; there was only one he could think of who might be able to.

"Odin, I would ask that you let Loki tap into your rationale and control. He is too powerful for himself right now and is trying to stop it. The other man in there with him, who I consider a good friend, will be killed if Loki loses control. He is your son no matter what Loki says and as his father and protector, as king of Asgard, protector of the nine realms, if you care for him at all, if you ever did, save him now."

Nothing happened. Loki, now glowing almost as bright as the sun, was trying so hard contain it but he was losing. He fought and fought until they couldn't even see him he was glowing so brightly. He threw his arms wide and yelled out, "Fus!". The light swelled to his command, pressing on the edges of the rune, threatening to crack it open and unleash the power within. Tony thought of Extremis, the red-orange glow from within, released as a deadly blast when it became too much.

The spell was interrupted by a black beam lancing down and piercing straight through the rune and the light. It was quickly joined by many others, covering all sides of the rune spell, some even going straight through where Loki's body was, constricting the golden light and forcing it back inside him.

The team watched, astounded, as the magic consumed Loki. When the black beams cut through the light and began to wrap around him, they could see that Loki was no longer even touching the ground. He was a foot off the floor, back arched and arms spread wide with one knee half-curled, pain and fear frozen, but evident on his face. The blackness spread farther, covering his face and wrapping around his neck, dragging every gold photon back in, under his control. Suddenly Loki's body relaxed, and dropped to the ground. He recovered for a moment on the ground, heaving in deep breaths, thankful for the air the blackness had crushed out of him.

The blackness was gone, and with it the green smoke and golden light.

Sparing a moment to look at his hands, which were normal again and noting that his armor had returned at some point, Loki smiled. He had control again and it felt really good. Thinking of control, Loki looked back to where Bucky was. He was tilting dangerously forward, almost outside the pentagram. Finally, Barnes' body gave out and he slumped to the side, eyes clenched shut, but Loki lunged and caught him. Moving to lay him backward, Loki eyed the dagger still planted in his shoulder. Reaching into Bucky's mind, he located the soldier, who was fighting Steve Rodgers on a helicarrier and they were beating the life out of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "alien" language used in this chapter comes from the dragon language in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, with a few filler word I created.
> 
> The translation of the incantation:
> 
> Carve out the assassin from your soul. Destroy the foul shadow.  
> Ground oneself in your head.  
> Bind blood and mind, never breaking. Bind body through blood and through blood the bind forever keep.  
> Fight the horrid wounds. conquer your body and be free.  
> Wither the killer, live while the killer dies.  
> Dominate your rival, vanquish his lie.  
> Tear apart the evil memory, Find the good spirit from long ago and heal.


	5. I Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ritual is complete, but how much of the Bucky is really left?

Can you hear me?

 _'Drop it!'_ Steve yelled in the memory. _His vision was starting to go dark as the Captain choked him until he passed out._

Bucky, come back.

_Loki could feel the gun in his-the Soldier's-grip, and he pulled the trigger three times, each bullet finding its mark, the Captain, Steve._

James. don't do this, you have to remember this one, I cannot change it. It is too important, I'm sorry.

Loki had set Bucky's head in his lap as he knelt behind him, trying to take away the pain, but realizing that he couldn't, not this time. Changing this memory would change too much, and as bad as it hurt, it had to stay.

"You're my mission." Bucky growled out and Steve's head whipped towards him, his face drained of all color.

"Oh my god." The look of abject horror on Steve's face said it all. "He shouldn't have to live through that."

"What Steve? Where is he?" Natasha asked quietly, hating to see two of her teammate in pain like this. It was clearly a personal conflict but Nat always pried.

"He is on the insight helicarrier with me in DC." Steve voice was harrowing, "We were so close to killing each other. I fought him, and dislocated his arm, he shot me but the carriers were getting shot down, he got crushed by a metal beam, I freed him and he almost beat me to death because I wouldn't fight back. The metal beam broke most of the windows and I fell into the river before he could finish it. He dragged me to shore. Without him I would have died, I can't imagine what was going through his head."

"Oh." Nat's small statement said it all.

Bucky arched hard, dragging most of his body off the ground and he cried out, "I knew him! No, please!" but his cry was cut off by another roar of pain. He had jumped to the time after the highway fight, and they had turned him back into a machine, because he had asked a question, and for the first time he had felt human. They electrocuted him so badly his heart stopped once. He couldn't move for a full day afterwards.

"Do something!" Steve yelled at Loki, who finally looked up at him, Bucky's pain reflected in his green eyes.

"I can't. I cannot change this. It has to stay."

"Help him!!" Steve's voice was frantic, he couldn't take this, watching his friend be tortured by his memories and the god who was supposed to be helping him not do a damn thing.

"Finally." Loki muttered and Bucky' eyes opened, and they were his normal blue. "Breathe." Loki pushed on Bucky's stomach, forcing the air out, and he took a large breath.

"That. Sucked." Bucky said, a slight smile playing at his lips.

Steve, from the other side of the glass piped up, "Bucky? How do you feel?"

"Numb. Everything hurts. Those memories were way more powerful than I thought."

"Side effect of the link. Let's call it a necessary evil. Also, well we are not quite done yet."

Bucky just huffed. "Now what?"

Loki was looming over him and just looked pointedly at the knife hilt still in his shoulder. "Damnit." Bucky mumbled.

"Yeah. I can't knock you out, you have to stay conscious for this or all our work goes away." Loki said, like he was disappointed about it.

"Fine. Just go."

Loki pushed Bucky back into a sitting position and held him in place with his knee. "Yeah, well this is not going to be pleasant, but after that fiasco I think you will be fine."

"What's the last thing you remember?" Steve asked.

"Beating you to death." Bucky's honest answer killed the smiles. "Sorry. I wasn't exactly myself, whoever that is. Hey Loki? Why was that the last memory?"

"Because that was the last time you were the Winter Soldier. Everything else was you, at least in part."

"по крайней мере, я до сих пор помню русский." Bucky said, lips twitching at the corners.

Natasha laughed, a true smile gracing her face for the first time in a while. When Steve looked at her she said, "He's glad he still remember Russian."

"предатель, не более перевод. это способ смешнее, если они не знают, что им говорят." Bucky said, clearly talking to Natasha.

She laughed again, "Deal." Despite Steve's best efforts, Natasha didn't say another word, the smile never leaving her face.

"Și română? La naiba, da!" Bucky laughed out, a wide smile painting his features. Natasha said mum on the subject, and Steve was a persistent little shit.

A lull in the conversation and Barnes asked Loki, "Okay tell me what you are gonna do." His grin drooped a bit, knowing what he was about to hear was not going to be enjoyable.

"I have to take the dagger out and I expect your clavicle will snap. I need you to stay as calm and still as possible because this is gonna hurt like a bitch. Then I have to draw the memories out, but that isn't hard."

"Anything else?"

"On the upside the blood washes off and the paralysis should wear off in about ten minutes."

"What?" Came Steve's shrill voice.

"I paralyzed the motor neurons that control the movement of his synthetic arm. I couldn't risk it distracting me. Why did think it hasn't moved yet? Besides he agreed." Loki said to him, not an ounce of remorse in his eyes.

Steve said nothing but looked ready to tear Loki apart.

Drama Queen. Loki thought smugly, and Bucky echoed the thought.

"Get back on your knees, it will be easier to stay up." Barnes did and put his hand on his thigh, teasing his barefoot on the steel floor.

"Ready?" Loki asked once he was sitting like the god wanted.

"No. Do it anyways." Bucky said through grit teeth.

"Breathe." Loki commanded.

Bucky complied and Loki grabbed the dagger, twisting it back into alignment with the original wound. Naturally Bucky tensed up at the motion but didn't cry out, as everyone had expected. What had been done to him to make twisting a dagger inside him not enough to warrant a scream?

"Again." As Barnes chest swelled with the in-breath, Loki gripped the dagger harder and yanked it entirely out of Bucky's body. The latter now screamed, slamming a palm on the floor in front of him as he tipped forward. There was a sickening snap that had accompanied the removal and Bucky's scream grew in intensity, tapering off as he fell forward. The wound on his shoulder was gushing blood, and no longer with anything to block the flow, blood was cascading freely down Bucky's chest in a red river and dripping on the floor.

Loki cast the bloody dagger to the side and grabbed Bucky's hair to hold him upright. Gritting his teeth, he slammed the base of his hand into the obviously broken collarbone and crunched it back into place.

"Haas ahrk gron." He mumbled. Green light seeped from his hands and sunk into the skin, wrapping around the bone and healing it back in place. Bucky groaned in pain, his shoulder still bleeding copiously.

Loki loosened his grip in Bucky's hair, and wrapped his arm around Bucky's throat to hold him upright. He dipped two slender fingers into the wound, gathering Bucky's blood on his fingertips. He twisted the arm wrapped around Barnes' throat so his palm was towards the glass and drew a fast rune on his hand, dipping into the blood welling up twice more, using it like ink. Once the rune was finished, he let go of Barnes and clenched his decorated hand down hard on the open wound. Immediately the rune began glowing a bright crimson, like the blood was being backlit. Not a moment later the rune began to disappear, sinking into his hand, taking the light with it. The light shone from under Loki's hand, forcing its way through the cracks in his fingers. When he let go, Bucky swayed a moment before he tipped back, sporting a clean, closed wound and what looked like a maroon tattoo. His back hit the floor and Loki did not try to stop it.

The god had stood up, leaning over Barnes' face, studying him briefly. Barnes had passed out, the pain finally overwhelming him. What he didn't know was that the rune on his shoulder would keep him unconscious for about thirty seconds. Loki knew this though, and after satisfying himself that the Soldier was really out for the count, he waved his hands in a few quick gestures.

A small flash of gold and blue light appeared in midair, and his scepter materialized in the air, dropping into his hands once it had been fully summoned.

Every single one of the Avengers outside looked more like gaping grouper fish than people. Thor broke out of it first, "What. How long have you had that?!"

"36 hours or so." Loki crouched as he spoke, "I dispelled it almost the second I got it because I knew you, Odin or Heimdall would feel it. It was in northern Russia." Loki was now crouched down by the still unconscious super soldier. He gripped the staff tighter and tipped the vicious silvery point down, touching it right to the center of the red star outline over Barnes' chest.

"No! Don't you dare! He is not yours to control!" Steve shrieked.

"I beg to differ." Loki said with a little smile, looking every part the villain possessed by the tesseract from years earlier.

"Give me everything." Loki whispered, and the blue gem in the center of the blade charged up, as if he was going to fire straight through Bucky.

The Avengers all stood and stared, they still couldn't get in, they could only watch as Loki either possessed or killed their friend.

At first nothing happened, the tension mounting with every second. Then, very slowly, a black, almost tar-like substance began leaking from the star shaped cut on Bucky's chest. It crawled towards the silver blade pressed to his flesh, as if drawn by a magnet. It just kept coming, slowly but surely inching along until it touched the blade, where it crawled right up the side, arcing along the curve towards the blue gem. When the substance reached the jewel, it was absorbed, completely disappearing into the gem whose blue glow never faltered. This continued for another very long eight seconds until the last the stuff came out of the wound, which closed up as the blackness retreated into the gem.

Once the last of it had been soaked up, Loki withdrew the scepter and dispelled it back into the void. He thumped Barnes once on the chest and the latter drew in a quick breath and sat up.

Loki searched his mind for a moment, and quickly located what he was looking for.

"Желание. Ржавый. Семнадцать. Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечность. Возвращение на Родину. Один. Грузовой вагон."

As soon as head heard this Bucky looked terrified. he jumped up, shoving Loki away from him and slamming his back against the wall.

"Stop! No!" Bucky cried out, clamping his hands over his ears, trying to drown out the noise.

Natasha was quietly mumbling the words, wondering what on Earth any of these had to do with each other, "Longing? Rusted, seventeen, Daybreak? Furnace?! What--" Natasha's stopped speaking, her eyes widening as it dawned on her. She launched herself towards the glass where Bucky was and quickly started speaking to him.

"Block it out Bucky! блокировать его Баки!! блокировать его, блокировать его!" She yelled over and over.

When Loki stopped speaking, Bucky relaxed his vice grip over his ears and looked at Loki.

"солдат?" Loki asked quietly, too fast for Barnes to do more than flinch.

"ГОТОВЫЙ ПОДЧИНЯТЬСЯ." Bucky responded evenly, standing straight with a blank expression.

"Shit." Natasha said quietly.

"Really? Well the--" Loki's voice was cut off when Bucky lashed out with his metal fist. He buried it in the god's stomach so hard that Thor flinched. Pulling his hand back, Bucky kicked out quickly and planted a foot in the center of Loki's chest, sending him flying across the room.

Loki tumbled then forced himself to one knee, gulping in air as Bucky stormed over, full of righteous fury "Fuck you." Bucky spat at the god kneeled by his feet, "That was cruel."

"I deserved that but I had to test it." Loki wheezed out. "You should be thanking me. I just proved your freedom."

"Fine. Thank you. Now never do that again. EVER. Or my first move as your soldier will be to tear apart my commanding officer. Got it?"

Loki nodded, believing that the soldier would certainly try it if pushed to it.

"Would you like to leave?" Loki asked breathlessly.

"Yes. Get me out of here. I have had my fill of torture and glass cages for the next 75 years." Bucky replied bitterly. He flexed his shoulder experimentally, and was surprised by just how okay he felt.

"What?" Loki asked, quirking his mouth as he flicked a hand, unlocking the door.

"I feel good. I was expecting a long recovery."

"Magic. Heals you much faster. None of the Avengers were able to hurt me during my attack on Manhattan, even though four of them really tried. I can heal almost as fast as wounds can be inflicted. Even the Hulk didn't do more than a few scratches and knock the wind out of me. On a different note, the star is gone but that rune mark doesn't come off. Sorry, no way around that."

"What? Where?" Bucky said looking at himself. The star mark that had been carved into his skin was indeed gone, but he couldn't find any rune.

"It's where the knife was, and it is a maroon color."

Bucky, after craning his neck but realizing couldn't see it, quickly left the room in search of a mirror.

Loki called up his staff once more and touched it to the edge of the pentagram on the floor, which disappeared. The steel floor filled out, the grooves smoothing over, looking for all the world like nothing had happened. The red stain on floor, Bucky's blood, was also touched by the blade and was soaked up in the same manner as the black goo from earlier. When he was done, the room was spotless, save for a mangled locking mechanism. Loki waved his scepter away and left the room.

Natasha was the first to greet him on the other side of the door with a very solid slap across the face. "That was cruel what you just did. I hope to god you never try that again. If you do and Bucky doesn't finish the job, I certainly will." Her voice was hushed, and like the soldier, Loki believed she really would.

There was a slight crash somewhere on the floor, but no one paid it any mind.

"What _did_ you do to him?" Tony asked. The suit was able to translate the words Loki had said into English but they still didn't make any sense. 

Loki opened his mouth to speak but Natasha beat him to it, "He said the same words Hydra did to turn him into the Winter Soldier. Ten random words linked together with a conditioned response. In this case the response was to drown out Bucky Barnes and put the Winter Soldier in control. That last thing he said, that means 'Soldier' and the response Hydra programmed Bucky with means 'ready to comply'. Those ten words turned him into the most lethal and obedient guard dog ever."

 _I am just so glad he was faking it. Don't know if I could do that to Steve. Hell, I don't know what I would have done if it was real and Loki had him attack us. I can't be a monster, not again._ Nat thought.

"Would you like any help Miss Romanova?" Loki asked in a sickly sweet voice.

 _Fucking telepathic bastard,_ "No. I do hate some of the things I've done but they don't tear me up as much as it did to Bucky. He was a person before he was an assassin. I was not. Stay out of my head." _Bitch._ Natasha finished curtly.

Loki just laughed. "Fine."

At this point Bucky wandered back, holding something reflective in his hand. "Sorry Tony, I broke a mirror." He said, holding up the shard and examining the rune with it.

"Don't worry, they are cheap. 7 years’ bad luck though, that might be hard to shake off." Tony said with a grin

"I'll deal with it." Bucky said offhandedly, far more interested in the mark on his skin. "You said this thing doesn't come off, right?"

"Yeah. Even if you got burned or something and you healed, the rune will still be there. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I kind of like it. What does it mean?"

"It is a healing rune."

"Yeah I got that much judging by the fact I stopped the bleeding. But does it _mean_."

"It comes from the runic alphabet letters Sowilo and Berkano, the sun and Berchta, the birch-goddess. Sowillo means health, your life-force and victory. Berkano means renewal, new beginnings, as well as mental, physical and personal growth. The letters get mixed together to create the runes I use, but that is the idea."

"Cool." Turning his attention away from the god, Bucky said, "Steve, I am getting anxious, let's go spar and if you take it easy on me I will slam your sorry ass into the mat hard enough to bruise. Tony can I have a lift?"

"Yeah. Let's go snowflake." The helmet went up as they approached the ledge. Tony jumped into the darkness of the elevator shaft. "Grab on." He said through the speakers as he hovered there.

"Sure you can carry me?"

"Soldier you insult me. Of course I can. Come on."

Bucky launched himself from the edge and straight onto the armor, using his metal hand to scrabble for a grip. It was far slipperier than he was expecting.

"Calm down." Tony said, exasperated as the soldier kept squirming around. He lightly tossed Bucky in the air and when he came back down Tony had him in a bridal-style grip. "Happy?"

"Not a word to Steve about this."

"Deal." Tony said as they rocketed towards the surface.

oOo

Loki turned to Thor, "What?" he asked, reading the confusion on his brother face and in his heart.

"I had lost faith that you could care for anyone except yourself. It is good to see that you can." Thor told him sheepishly.

"Oh I still do, don't worry. My vanity is never going to leave. I helped him because no one was there to save me. Helping him helped me in its own twisted way. So really it is self-serving." Loki said with a cocky grin.

"Still, it was kind." Thor said quietly.

There was a brief awkward silence, then Sam spoke up, "I'm gonna go bother Tony about an upgrade, what about you guys?"

Nat was quick with an answer, "I’ll go to the sparring room too, I can practice my knife throwing some more on the indoor range. Clint you want in?"

"Sure, what the hell. It not like I have perfect aim or anything." Clint said with a smirk.

"Just for being smart-ass we get the sparring ring after Cap and Buck. Best of three?"

"Try best of seven. Sam can we have a lift?"

"Uh, probably, you guys have to hold on though, I need my arms to fly.

"Fine, let’s go." Nat said and the three made a speedy exit.

Another pause and Steve had this sheepish look on his face and didn't quite seem to know what to do with himself. After a long minute, he got the words right in his head, "Thank you Loki for what you did for him. I am sorry I thought you were hurting him when you were doing something for someone else at great risk to yourself. It was very kind and selfless and I am grateful." Steve said quietly

"Nope. It was selfish but thanks anyways. I don't imagine I'll be around here for a while."

"Good." Steve almost didn't mean for it to slip out but he didn't regret it when Loki smiled.

"Need a lift to the top? Barnes is getting irritated." Loki said, still smirking.

"Yeah."

"Grab on. Thor you can fly." Loki said with a little laugh when Thor huffed. Loki grabbed Steve's arm and teleported them to the sparring room where Bucky was wailing on a punching bag so hard it split.

"You too huh?" Steve said with a smile. He had broken more than his fair share, and Tony had a bill to prove it.

"It's annoying. That was number two." Bucky whined with the smile on his face.

"Ready?" Steve asked, grabbing the wraps by the ring as he stripped off his uniform.

"You bet. Bring it old man." Bucky teased as he bounced lightly on his feet.

"Hey! You are a year older than me!" Steve threw back.

Bucky just laugh jovially and stepped into the ring.

_Kick his ass._

Bucky twitched minutely and looked at the god in the corner. With a quick wink he replied, _Hell yeah._

Loki left them to go at it and teleported himself to the helipad where Thor was waiting.

"Want a lift?" Thor asked, "I was about to ask Heimdall."

"Nah. My way is more fun." Loki said with a grin before a blast of white light teleported Thor back to Asgard.

 _Just one more stop._ He thought with a wicked grin.

The green magic flowed around him like water and he teleported away.

oOo

"Status report." Fury asked.

"We are fifty miles off shore, arrival time is an hour and ten." Hill said after reading the display of one of the techs near her.

There was a wash of green light behind Fury that reflected off all the screens and windows. Fury whirled around and was greeted by the sight of one of his least favorite people, Loki, the god of lies.

As soon as he appeared, Loki summoned his scepter. Immediately he had a room full of agents, Hill and Fury included, with guns trained on him.

"Overreact much?" he said, eyeing the numerous pistols aimed at his head. "Here. Keep this for a while." Loki said and he twirled the staff and jammed it into the floor where it stayed, the point a good four inches into the floor.

"I'm going to be wanting that back in a bit. Don't destroy it or you'll piss me off. Till then, bye bye and love from Asgard." Loki said, flashing a wicked smile. He quickly summoned his green energy and it wrapped around him, throwing him far across space.

Then green flash appeared by the end of the rainbow bridge, near the Bifrost. Loki let the light die before turning and flashing Heimdall a big smile.

"Loki." Heimdall greeted him with a curt but polite nod.

"Heimdall." Loki said, returning the gesture.

He took a deep breath, "Ah, it's good to be home." Then Loki lept in the air, transformed into a raven and flew off towards the place.

_Time to say hi to dad._

He cawed with excitement; this was going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations of Russian and Romanian (straight from google so I don't know about accuracy)
> 
> по крайней мере, я до сих пор помню русский = at least I still remember Russian
> 
> предатель, не более перевод. это способ смешнее, если они не знают, что им говорят = traitor, no more translating. It is way funnier if they don't know what I'm saying.
> 
> Și română? La naiba, da! = And romanian? Hell yeah!
> 
> dragon speech: Haas ahrk gron. = Heal and bind.
> 
> Желание. Ржавый. Семнадцать. Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечность. Возвращение на Родину. Один. Грузовой вагон = Bucky's trigger words: longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car.
> 
> блокировать его Баки, блокировать его! = Block it out Bucky, block it out!
> 
> солдат? = Soldat? (Soldier)
> 
> ГОТОВЫЙ ПОДЧИНЯТЬСЯ. = ready to comply.


End file.
